Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
