I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
