How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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