Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
