no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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