Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
