He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
