you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
