i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Say something about gay babies.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
