my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize