just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
this hospital has no fireball
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
