Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
