You work out of a Hotel?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize