It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
