Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
