I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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