2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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