Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
