I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
