Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
