I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
