just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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