i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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