WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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