I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
