he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
