Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
