i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
