very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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