he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize