Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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