it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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