youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
