That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
