I need help removing her.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's never too late to be topless.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
