I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
