The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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