my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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