Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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