Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
