I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
