dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
