You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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