Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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