I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
