True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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