I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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