were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
