toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
