I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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