Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
