did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I will be naked everywhere
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
