I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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