I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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