never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
