Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
