so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
