We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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