Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
