# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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