I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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