take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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