just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize