They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
