More tranny stories later!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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