fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
