I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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