God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We are two peas in an std pod
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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