Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize