I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
