remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
