just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
