your room smells of hookers.
And success
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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