Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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