I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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