OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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