how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
