I must be too annoying 4 u.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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