Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
