Me. At least after what I've been through.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
