i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
