So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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