wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
