Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
