I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
