my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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