remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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